Friday, September 2, 2011

Talking Tina

So, have you ever seen the Talking Tina episode of Twilight Zone? That's what happened to me today, only Talking Tina in this case is a a 30lb Rivendell Sam Hillborne.

It started off relatively simply. On the way to BBQ, my front fender was rattling. I secured it at BBQ as tight as I could without a wrench and moved on. This was a horrible omen that I should have paid more attention to. Later in the ride my new bar tape started coming undone. I was a little annoyed, but no big deal, it didn't get worse. But now I'm slightly irritated. Then my seatpost started acting up. It's a crappy post and needs replacing, I just didn't know how bad. Every rough bump would send the seat backwards about thirty degrees. No amount of tightening worked. The hulk wouldn't have been able to keep that piece of crap together. Then, after another turn fixing the seatpost, I dropped my chain.

I'd had it, and was swearing at my bike more than an episode of deadwood. Well, Talking Tina wouldn't take that sitting down. Right after the right turn to University, I hear the fender rattling again, and consider stopping to secure it. Before I had any time to really think about it, I see something shoot forward from the front tire. I look down, but I am not seeing the tire. I am seeing the fender. It has arced forward and the fender stays are flush against the fork. The fender is now a brake. I am suddenly higher off the ground, higher still, it's kind of in slow motion. Then I think to myself, "This is happening, and I cannot stop it." The bike is now nearly vertical, the front wheel firmly planted on the ground, and the rear wheel above me. The only thing I can do to keep my head and face safe is to roll all of my weight over my left shoulder. Then the bike and I were intimately wedded on the ground. Ouch, very ouch, but nothing broken.

On another note, if you ever get in a SERIOUS accident and find yourself unable to move. You are more likely to die of starvation than actually have someone pull over to see if you're ok.

Talking Fucking Tina.

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